If you want to know how to regain control of your life, it’s important that you gain a basic understanding of who you are. Our self-image, which is the picture of ourselves that we hold in our minds.
It becomes the key to our lives. All our actions, feelings and behavior, and even our abilities are
consistent with this formed picture. We literally act out the kind of person that we think that we are.
What we need to be aware of is that as long as we hold onto that picture, no amount of willpower, effort, determination or commitment will cause us to be any other way. Because we’re always going to act the way we see ourselves. To be any other way, you must first look at how to regain control of your life.
Our Mental Blueprint
From birth onward, we collect hundreds of ideas about ourselves as being good or bad, wise or stupid, confident or fearful and so on. Through repetition, these often false identities harden into our self-image.
This self-image either allows us to be happy and successful. Or it tyrannizes our lives. Whether we realize it or not, within ourselves is a mental blueprint. It’s a picture of the way that we think that we are.
This blueprint is exact and completes down to the last detail. This summary or blueprint is our self-image. However, this blueprint is not who we are, but rather who we think we are.
The circumstances or conditions that formed our self-image may have been totally erroneous or blown out of proportion, but as far as we are concerned they are true. Once we record this information, we do not question its validity.
Most of the time we can’t even consciously recall how or where we obtained this information. We just live as though it were true. Even if it’s not true, we believe it’s true.
The Secret of the Ages
The vast majority has missed the message that all the great teachers since the beginning of recorded history have tried to share with their fellow human beings.
The secret of the ages, the one most incredible truth that very few realize, is that at the Being level, which we will call your Higher Self, you are spiritually whole, complete and perfect. Just as a drop of water has all the qualities of the ocean, you have all the qualities of the Creator within you.
Science, philosophy, and religion all teach in their own way that there’s ultimately ONE Power in the universe and that we’re one with the Power, Energy, Force, or whatever you’re comfortable with. You and I are individualized expressions of all the Power of the universe. This can be called your Higher Self.
We can never destroy the Higher Self within us. We can deny that it’s there, we can try to hide from it, we can lie about it, but ultimately we cannot change the fact that it’s who we are. What we need to do is to recognize that it is who we are and learn how to channel it through our thoughts.
Never Reject Yourself in Any Way
It’s important to take a look at the personality that you’ve created. Perhaps one of the reasons you keep yourself from doing this is because you’ve been an imitator. It’s not uncommon to get hung up on this.
It may help to understand that nobody can create a Self from scratch. Everyone has to do the same thing. Everybody chooses from what’s available. Even though you may have built your personality through imitation, you’re not a fraud.
No one else has ever put together the exact same combination that you have. Don’t forget there are only twelve notes in the musical scale. And yet many hundreds of thousands of unique and beautiful combinations are created. It’s all a matter of how they are put together.
It doesn’t make you any less of a unique person to have taken from others. The wonderful thing about this is that since you put it together from scratch, you can change it at any time you want to. You’re never stuck.
It’s not a disaster to discover that you’re not the person that you thought that you were. On the contrary, it’s the beginning of the end of the disaster.
In order to change the experiences that are causing you pain and disharmony, it’s necessary, to begin with, a clear understanding that you never help yourself by rejecting any part of yourself.
We get into self-hatred because we set up a picture of how we think we should be based on the conditioning from our family, peer groups, mate, religion, and the society that we live in.
The sad part of this is that we’ll never be able to live up to the pictures, images, models, standards or concepts of how we think we should be. It’s a psychological dead-end.
Freedom Begins with Self-Acceptance
Until we make a conscious decision to change our thought patterns, we will continue to have poor self-esteem and a poor self-image. The first and most important thing in your life is self-acceptance, to love who you are – to be yourself.
Only when you love yourself can you begin to love others. Many people say you should forget about yourself and love others first. Well, it doesn’t work that way.
The truth is, you must first accept yourself with all your mistakes all of your so-called sins, all the times you looked like a fool, and all the times you’ve acted inappropriately. You must be able to stand before the entire world and make no excuse for yourself.
When you can do that, you’re coming from a position of unconditional love. How you see yourself creates your behavior, and this behavior creates your environment or your results.
When you attach your self-worth to your accomplishments or to your behavior, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. No matter how hard you try; someone is going to think you’re not okay.
Remember this: you’ll always be a failure in someone’s eyes. You’ll never win everyone over, sometimes not even a majority. Take a look at how much of your life is about winning approval and realize this important truth:
You’ll never get the approval you seek! You simply can’t please everyone, so learn to please yourself and enjoy who you are.
You Can’t Fail as a Person
It’s worth repeating that who you are is spiritually perfect, but what you do is not always perfect. What you do may succeed or fail, but you can detach yourself from the results by remembering that you can never be a success or a failure based on what you have and what you do.
There’s no way that you can fail in life as a person. You’re not set up that way. Most of us judge ourselves on the basis of what we have or don’t have and what we’ve accomplished or what we haven’t.
We feel that when we are a failure, we’ve let others and ourselves down. When we don’t come up to the expectations of our parents, employers, religion, friends or mate, we conclude that we’re no good.
This is known as self-judgment. When you’re standing in judgment of yourself, you will judge yourself as bad. And as soon as you put yourself down for something that you have or haven’t done, or something that did not work out, or for a situation where you disappointed someone else, you feel bad.
Yet this type of judgment only serves to carve away at what little self-esteem you have. It never does any good; it only destroys. It’s true that each one of us has things in our lives that we regret. We can never be for anyone as long as we are against ourselves. To be against others is to be against ourselves.
This is a spiritual and psychological truth. The most corrupt thing that we can do is judge someone. To suppress another individual and take away another’s aliveness is one of the most negative and self-destructive behaviors a person can have.